Happy 2024 Readers,
I hope you eased into the new year in good health and with a laugh or two.
The last two weeks of December were less hustle and bustle than when my three kids were all under 21, demanding constant attention. Now, as they navigate their paths and the house quiets down, my attention shifts to a different set of challenges.
While the kids became self-sufficient, my mother, 96 years old, slid into insufficiency. In the last fifteen years, she lost most of her vision and hearing and requires insulin. She’s unsteady on her feet and is supposed to use a walker. We got her a very nice red one, but she prefers to use one of her floral canes instead.
Mom can’t do much about her vision, but she can about the others. She refuses to wear hearing aids, socialize at the Senior Center, stick to a diabetic diet, or use a walker. She also refuses a part-time home health care worker. We (us kids) have been going through this for the past few years.
I don’t know if it’s vanity, stubbornness, or an unconscious desire to maintain what little independence she possesses, but Mom’s refusals make it harder on us.
For the past ten years, she’s told us that it’s her last birthday, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas, and Mother’s Day. When she gets depressed, which is more often now, she says, “I wish the Lord would just take me now. What’s he waiting for?”
Mom carries a rosary in her purse. I asked why, and she answered that she could die any minute, anywhere, and she wanted her rosary close by.
Most people say she’s still pretty lively and feisty. Last year, she danced at my book launch and a birthday party. This year, she did not. Her wish to the Lord was uttered more often until my son got engaged, so now she says God can take her after his wedding.
The aging of our mother is an ongoing process that we try to understand and adjust to the best way we can. A few writers have written about this area and caregiving, but when you live it and know that your parent's life is tenuous, it does something to you.
Mom fell before Christmas Eve. She didn’t tell us but asked if she could get a massage for sore muscles. The masseuse told us what happened after she saw the bruises under Mom’s rib cage.
On Christmas Eve, we went to the ER. They x-rayed her, and the doctor said she had five broken ribs. They put her in an ambulance and sent her to the county trauma center. We began to dread that it was her last Christmas.
We are a family that believes in prayer and asked our extended family and friends to pray for her healing. The response was overwhelming.
The next day, Mom was given another x-ray because she had trouble breathing, and they wanted to ensure her lung wasn’t punctured. The doctor sat with me and said the x-ray showed no fractures. He actually scratched his head. Her breathing stabilized. By that evening, Christmas Day, the doctor released her home.
Now, people may say the first X-rays were wrong, or her breathing problem was anxiety (that’s what we thought), but I believe it was the power of prayer.
We celebrated Christmas the next day. And on New Year’s Eve, she rang in the new year with her niece, nephew-in-law, and my sister with a glass of Champagne.
While my mother rests at home, showing resilience even with bruised ribs, it makes me ponder life's fragility and its unpredictable nature. The recent scare has given me a clearer sense of aging, prompting reflection on the months ahead.
Regardless of whether prayer's power stems from divine intervention or a placebo effect, it has left a lasting impact on our family. Facing the uncertainties of Mom's twilight years, we draw strength from family bonds and the remarkable spirit of a woman who, against the odds, keeps moving forward, defying the expectations set by the passing seasons.
Book News
Twenty-twenty-two was a great year for reading. I managed to exceed my Goodreads goal of 30 books and hit 60.
Unlike reading, writing a novel is a slow slog. A snail gains more traction than most writers do when seeking an agent or publisher. But when one is found and that contract is signed, the gears start moving like those cartoon trains I used to watch on TV when I was a kid.
This is to say that my novel is approaching the station. I received a PDF of my book, formatted and paginated. Next, I’ll receive a peek at the book cover and an advanced reading copy (ARC).
The process is on task for a May 31st, 2024 release. Whew!
Until next time, thanks so much for reading!
Your reflections on caring for your mother helped me understand that this is not an uncommon experience. Blessings on your mother, family and all of your mother's caregivers!!
Caregiving is very difficult and you must also take care of yourself. Wishing you all the best for the year ahead.